It's Just not Worth it
by sanemadness
Summary: Spain leave Romano and he's left to figure out what went wrong as he relives his memories of Spain. Rated M for Romano's language and character suicide, if you don't like suicide please do not read


_**Note: Hello everyone, so this is my first fanfic … sorry about the emo-ness of it. Just kind of reflecting my mood right now … but yea. I do not own Hetalia … if I did .. *nosebleed* Well now on to the story. **_

_**Warning: There is mention of yaoi (boyx boy) nothing bad but if you do not like it don't read. Also suicide and language so if you don't like it don't read it!**_

**It's Just not Worth it**

"It's … just not worth it anymore, Romano." Romano heard the Spaniard's voice clear over the phone. In a state of shock feeling like he had misheard what Spain had actually said Romano took a deep breath.

"W-what? What do you mean?" Romano asked and for the first time he did not swear at Spain, who only sighed. Romano held his breath as he felt for a chair and sat down heavily.

"This … Romano … it's just not worth it anymore," Spain said again his voice sounded tight. "I can't do this … I'm sorry but we're over." There was a long pause before Spain finally said it. Romano sat there unsure what to say or what to think. It was as if his heart had stopped. He was unsure how long they sat on the phone in silence before Spain said something. "Romano?"

"I think … you should just … go." Romano managed out without letting pain into his voice. Once the words left his mouth he knew he must sound so stupid seeing as they were on the phone. '_The bastard didn't even have the guts to break up with in person …' _Romano growled to himself as he squeezed his eyes closed. Again he was met with only silence and for a bit he thought that Spain had actually done what he said but his voice broke that silence.

"Oh … okay … Romano? Promise me one thing?" Spain said in a neutral voice. Romano frowned deepened as he listened to him speak. "Promise me you won't … you know, hurt yourself?" Spain asked quietly. Romano felt his anger flare up at his question.

"No … you've done enough of that for both of us." Romano bit back. Romano heard his voice as Spain came back with something but Romano was not even listening anymore. "Bye." He said quickly as he closed his phone with a dull click. Again silence enveloped him. Memories of the last three years came rushing back to Romano.

::Flashback 3 years ago::

Romano opened the door to spy an out of breathe Spain, hands on his knees trying to get his breath. Romano stared at him unsure what he was doing at his house. Finally Spain looked up at Romano, smiling.

"Sorry … I just had to come over … I couldn't wait for the World Meeting …" Spain huffed. Romano blushed as he stared at him.

"Wait for what, bastard?" Romano asked angry that Spain had interrupted his siesta (I do not think it ever mentions if Romano takes siestas like Italy).

"To ask you out … Would you go out with me?" Spain asked a bright smile on his face. Romano stared at him unsure if he was joking or if this was for real.

"Ask me out? What the hell?" Romano yelled as he glared at the Spaniard, who just kept smiling.

"Si, Romano I'm asking you out, will you be my boyfriend?" Spain asked again.

"I guess … I mean since you came all the way from Spain …" Romano's face was as red as a tomato causing Spain to laugh. "Quit laughing, bastard!" Romano yelled. Spain suddenly hugged Romano, still laughing.

"Oh mi tomate!" Spain said as he hugged Romano tighter. Although Romano grumbled under his breath he was rather happy that Spain had asked him out and that he was hugging him.

::Flashback 2 and half years ago::

Romano growled as he watched his boyfriend shower his little brother with all sorts of attention. He got it; Veneziano was cute, funny, sweet, friendlier and easier to be around then Romano. But it still hurt and pissed Romano off even more. '_I mean … damnit Spain is my boyfriend!' _ Romano thought as he stomped off to his room in an angry huff. Romano slammed his door shut and threw himself on his bed willing himself not to cry. Romano did not even notice when someone had come into his room.

"Romano … are you okay?" Spain said as sat down on Romano's bed; he rubbed Romano's back in small circles.

"No damnit!" Romano said before he buried his head in a pillow.

"Romano, talk to me, por favor?" Spain asked as he continued to rub Romano's back.

"I can't stand it! You're giving mio fratello attention, you bastard! You obviously like him more than me, why don't you just ask him out!" Romano yelled as he glared at Spain, who just laughed.

"Oh mi tomate, I like your hermano but I love you … you're so silly sometimes," Spain said as he brushed Romano's tears away. "I'll never leave you." He added as he touched their foreheads together. Romano blushed at how close their faces were.

"You … promise, bastard?" Romano asked as he looked into green pools. Spain smiled back at him.

"I promise I will never leave you, Romano, te amo!" Spain said happily. Romano felt the edges of his lips turn up a bit.

"Ti amo troppo." Romano whispered.

::Flashback 2 and half years ago::

"Romano …" Spain whispered in Romano's ear as he hands combed through his dark hair, touching the odd curl. Romano shivered as he leaned into Spain's embrace. Their lips met, and then tongues as they fought for dominance. Spain slowly lowered Romano to the bed behind them. "Romano … I want to make love to you …" Spain asked as he broke the kiss to look down at a blushing Romano.

"Yea … bastard … me too." Romano said quietly as he looked away from Spain. Romano looked up at his boyfriend just in time as he crashed his lips back to Romano's in passion.

That night was the first time they made love and afterwards they laid tangled in each other and through the night.

::Flashback 2 years ago::

Romano could hardly believe it, he and Spain had been together for a year. Maybe to some people it was not much of anything but to Romano it made his heart soar. Not that he would ever admit it to anyone else, much less Spain. But somehow that Spaniard knew how he was felt despite his bad attitude and his nasty words. Romano slowly made his way into his house only to be greeted by a smiling, suit wearing boyfriend of his.

"What the hell, bastard?" Romano said as he slammed the door closed behind him. He could see candles and roses in the dining room; the smell of pasta lingered in the air.

"Welcome home Romano! You know what today is, si?" Spain asked as he wrapped his arms around Romano.

"Of course I do, damnit …" Romano blushed as he looked back at Spain, "it's our … anniversary." Romano whispered.

"Si, so I planned something super special for mi tomate!" Spain said as he led Romano to the dining room. "I even got you something!" Spain added as he pushed Romano into a chair.

"What? Damnit, bastard … I didn't …" Romano glared at Spain, "I didn't get you anything." Romano said as he looked away from Spain. Spain just smiled and grabbed Romano's hand.

"It's okay, just being with you is a gift enough." Spain said. "Here open it." He added as he placed a small box into Romano's hand.

Romano grumbled as he opened the box up and was more than surprised at what was in it. A thin gold ban with white gold in the middle; Romano just stared at it before looking up into Spain's still smiling face.

"What the hell! Is this some kind of engagement ring?" Romano asked standing up glaring at Spain.

"No, it's just an anniversary ring … not an engagement or promise ring." Spain said as he walked from Romano into the kitchen. Romano looked back at the ring, '_why does it bother me that it's not a promise or engagement ring?' _ Romano shook himself saying he was not bothered that it was neither of those things. With shaky hands he put the ring on his right ring finger, only to find that it was too small for it. So he tried it on his left ring finger, only to find that it fit perfectly.

"Damnit …" Romano whispered as his eyebrow twitched, even though deep down he did not care.

"Oh, I see your wearing it!" Spain said as he brought two plates of spaghetti into the dining room. "I'm glad it fits." He said as he inspected the ring on Romano's finger. "You don't have to wear it on that finger." He added as he sat down.

"I know that, bastard … but it's the only finger it fits on!" Romano huffed as he sat down. The rest of the dinner was quiet; every so often Romano would catch himself staring at the ring.

::Flashback 1 and half years ago::

Romano sat on the couch as he watched tv but really was not watching. Spain was not back from work, Romano again checked his watch. '_Damnit, he's late.' _Romano told himself as he looked back at the tv. Although Spain should be … well in Spain, he and Romano were practically living together and had been so for about half a year. Although Romano would never tell anyone, he loved coming home to Spain and also the fact that Spain came home to him. He would be lying if he said he was surprised their relationship had lasted two years. He just knew it they had many (many) more years together coming. Romano smiled as he thought of his lover. The front door slammed which made Romano jump but it also meant that Spain was home.

"Speak of the devil …" Romano grumbled as he got up off the couch. Romano entered the kitchen to see Spain digging through the fridge. Romano slowly wrapped his arms around Spain as he stood in front of the fridge. "I … missed you, bastard …" Romano said as he hid his reddening face in Spain's back, who only laughed.

::Flashback 3 months ago::

Romano watched as Spain waved to him as he drove back to Spain. Although they were living together in Italy, Spain's boss told him he had to come back to Spain. Europe was in some big trouble with the Euro and what not. Romano hated this; with this new crisis not only in Spain but also in Italy Romano knew the time he would have normally spent with Spain would be cut down drastically. But they had been together for more than two years, almost three this would be nothing. They would talk every night and they could always Skype. Romano walked back to the house feeling lonelier then ever but knew things would work. Why? Because they loved each other.

::Flashback 2 months ago::

With Spain gone Romano was feeling lonelier then ever and he only moved out a month ago. But this was what was best for their countries. Romano had faith in their relationship; he knew there was nothing that could break them. A small smile graced Romano's face as he thought about his lover as he rubbed the ring he never took off. Although lately things had been busy, they really had not even talked properly in weeks; Romano shrugged it off as being a bad week for their countries.

::Back to the Present::

Romano felt the tears finally fall down his face as the memories slowly faded from his mind. He just did not understand, '_what about his promise? I thought the bastard loved me?' _ Romano thought bitterly as he glared at his phone.

"Why hasn't that bastard called back!" Romano yelled as he chucked his phone across the room into the wall. Romano slumped out of the chair onto the floor as sobs racked his body. Romano slowly crawled up the stairs to the room he and Spain use to share. Everything haunted him as he stared at the world around him with haunted eyes. He did not know when but at some point he passed out into blackness.

Romano woke up grumpier than normal and for a moment wondered why. But then it all hit him like a train, Spain had left him yesterday; his words replayed in his head 'It's … just not worth it anymore, Romano'. Romano screamed as he picked up the nearest object, which was his tomato alarm clock and threw it into the wall and watched as it smashed into pieces.

"God damnit! You bastard!" Romano screamed as he curled up in a ball as more tears fell down his face.

Romano was not sure how long he laid there in ball crying until he had no energy or his tears ran out. He just did not understand Spain, '_how could that bastard walk away after three years … did they mean nothing, did I mean nothing?'_ Romano asked himself as he slowly got up, his limps protesting from being so cramped for so long.

::A month later::

Romano had shut himself in his house, locked the door, closed all the blinds, unplugged his land phone, broke his cell phone, and hid his lab top. Some days Veneziano would stay at his door pounding that Romano let him in. But Romano ignored him and Veneziano would give in only to come back another day. But it was always the same, Romano never answered.

Romano made the mistake to finally going on his lab top. As he expected there was a million emails from his brother and also as he expected none from that Spanish bastard. Finally deciding to check his face book Romano numbly stared at the top story: Antonio Fernandez Carriedo is in a Relationship. Romano stared at it for a long time before going to his page. Some small part of his mind hoped that maybe Spain wanted to get back with him and try to work things out. But alas, when Romano looked over his page there where pictures of Spain with some attractive young woman kissing and hugging. Romano slammed his lab top shut. His breathing was coming in short and fast, the world was spinning and before he knew it he had passed out.

Romano slowly woke up not sure how long he had been out but he soon wished he was still passed out. The pain that bloomed in his chest made him think for a minute that maybe he had gotten shot. '_Or my heart ripped out …'_ Romano thought as he clutched his chest as he sobbed.

After his sobs subsided Romano got to his feet, he was glad that Veneziano had not visited today. He unlocked the front door but walked back to his room. He sat down on the bed as he stared off into space. Romano opened the nightstand drawer and took out a note book and a pen. He quickly wrote a small note and set it back on the bed as he got up.

::That next morning::

Veneziano had been trying to get a hold of his brother for a month now. He knew Romano was upset about Spain leaving him and honestly Veneziano was surprised. He had thought the two were perfect for each other and did not understand what went wrong. But that did not really matter, all that matter that Romano was hurting and Veneziano wanted to be there for his brother. But Romano obviously had other ideas. Veneziano tried nearly every day but soon his visits became less and less, believing Romano would open or come to him on his own.

But today Veneziano had a weird feeling, something was telling him to go to his brother's house. So of course Veneziano drove there, he had not been there in a few days he might as well. When he arrived at the house, everything seemed like it did every day, door and blinds closed. Veneziano knocked on the door.

"Fratello! It's me Veneziano!" When he got no response he tried for the door. But this time it opened up. Veneziano smiled believing that Romano was finally letting him in. Veneziano walked into the house and looked around for his brother only to find it a mess. It was obvious it had not been cleaned in a month or longer. He spied the disconnect phone thrown across the room, picture frames smashed and broke, and the broken lap top. "Wow, fratello … you sure made a mess." Veneziano said.

After searching downstairs Veneziano walked up stairs to find his brother. He found his bedroom door closed but when he went to open it was unlocked. Veneziano sighed as he pushed open the door.

"Fretallo, I'm here for yo-" Veneziano froze as he stared at his brother's lifeless body. The note attached to his shirt read "_It's just not worth it anymore." _ Taped to the note was the gold ban.

**THE END**

_**I know, I'm horrible … sorry if anyone is mad at me *waves white flag* please don't hurt me! Reviews would be nice but you don't have to … Thanks! I'll try to write something nice time! Ciao!**_


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